Humorous Look at Moscow

For a country that shunned capitalism for so many years they have well and truly caught up with such vulgar displays of ostentatious that it would make Kim Kardashian blush. The mega – rich rule here with more billionaires per capita than any other city in the world. There was even a Ferrari/ Bentley dealer in our hotel though I’m not sure if you could charge it to room service. The women are beautiful (and know it) and the men are uglier than Donald Trumps’ morals. To prepare for your trip here spend your day going in and out at the local shopping mall slamming the door on the people behind you. Holding the door open for someone in Moscow will only get you a stunned look of disbelief and immediately identify you as a tourist. Learning a few Russian words will come in handy but don’t worry about learning the word for “thank you” as you will find little use for it here. If you’re a thrill-seeker ,try visiting Lenin’s’ tomb and remark to the guards how much Yoko Ono fucked his life up. It should take about 4 seconds before you are beaten unconscious. Another bad idea is to tell the locals that their Presidents name (Putin) means “shit can” in English as they are rather of fond of him. The Kremlin, Red Square and the Seven Sisters (Stalin buildings) are interesting and they have cheap cigarettes, but you can visit it in a week, not six weeks like I did. A big shout out to all our Russian friends in Moscow, I’m praying that you really have a sense of humor.